Take Off The Gloves, Sisters!

I’m watching the Supreme Court nomination hearings, and I’m watching the coverage of them, and I have to say, I don’t get it. Maybe it’s my White Privilege. Maybe it’s my Male privilege, but I long for the day when a Black woman doesn’t “have to” shut up and take it.

In watching hearings like this or other political situations where Blacks have been bullied or terrorized, there’s always a commentator or bunch of them, usually African-American, who say, “This is what we have to put up with, in order to get anywhere!”.

Here’s where I have a problem: That complacency doesn’t serve anyone. As an ally, I “get” that it’s not my culture to talk about, and I may be out of line here, but if you’re thinking, “I have to do this in order to not upset White men”, this White man says, “Go ahead! Say what you’re thinking! That guy’s disrespecting you and you don’t deserve that!”. Furthermore, if I was disrespecting you — publicly, for all the world to see — I’d deserve to have you upset at me.

The same is true for all women and women, all races, all socioeconomic classes. Disrespect is disrespect. For whatever it’s worth, you have my permission to tell off anyone, if that’s how you feel. If a (White?) man is big enough to talk to you that way, he should be big enough to handle your comments.

I could support you by standing up for you, Judge Brown Jackson, and I’ll be happy to do that. I heard Cory Booker brought down the house with his support, after I stopped listening, and I’m glad to hear it. But don’t be afraid to lose your patience, on my account. My concern is that anyone should feel that they “have to” do anything — especially someone as important as a Supreme Court Justice.

You may choose to because you think it’s expedient, but you can’t choose from only one choice. You need to have more than one option and anyone who tells you differently is missing the point.

Judge Brown Jackson, I heard you describe your faith as “Christian, Non-denominational” in the hearing yesterday. If the reason you didn’t show your frustration is because you think it’s un-Christian, I will respect your choice. I think Jesus calls us to be both pacifists and kind people — and sometimes I feel like a horrible pacifist and a horrible Christian for saying things in anger. My experience, though, is that sometimes I’m glad I did use the appropriate language for a situation. I have the right to be mad at a murderer or rapist or abuser, and the right to be mad at someone who “just” kills the Spirit, leaving a dead-inside body standing. I think Jesus himself got mad about just that.

The idea that any group of people should be expected to be courteous while being abused because “that’s just their lot in life” continues the cycle of abuse. In the same way, I don’t like the trope of the stalked city woman who is terrorized by a crazy ex because, it seems to me, it normalizes the behavior and says that “all” men are just that way. If we’re “just that way”, you should just cope. But that’s stupid. No one should have to cope with abuse — including verbal abuse and being disrespectful of your experience or wisdom . As an ally, I don’t want you to ever think your wisdom, your education, your kindness should be taken advantage of.

Again, if you think you need my (or any other man’s, though I can’t speak for them) permission to be upset, don’t wait.

I hope this makes sense.

Resisting with Peace,

John